In the past month, my sisters and I with our husbands have been cleaning out our parents home preparing to sale it soon. In one month, that structure has gone from a home to a house. When we started the process, it was a home filled with treasures and memories from our lives and our parents lives together. Now after the garage sale, it is just a house with walls and floors, brick and mortar. Oh how sad you might say, and I would say back, no not sad just a bit sentimental. Living a successful and full life, means you must keeping moving. Keep moving through life, on to the next stage, the next opportunity, always looking forward. We will always have those memories of the home full of love, joy, tears, fears, happiness and sadness, all the emotions of life, but they are now snapshots of our past that will blend into the pictures of the future.
I just spent a weekend with my brother-in-law and a dear friend setting up and having a garage sale. There was lots of stuff, junk and treasures, but it was a special day for me. The parade of people from all walks of life is always a treat for me, but a few special people entered that garage and I won't forget them.
One gentleman, walked into that crowded and stuffed garage, walked up to a table and picked up an item that I actually meant to throw away, thinking no one would want this. He picked up a key to the city of Seminole, OK, from the Mayor given to my father. Both of their names were printed on the key. Although this was potential trash to me, it was a treasure to this gentleman. My Dad had taught this person a class in college many years ago, but he made an impression on his life. This man who walked into my life and gave me a different glimpse of my father wanted to buy that key. I held the key, turned it over and saw Dad's name and replied, "it's not for sale. I will gladly give you this key and thank you for the memory". He did not buy anything that day, but left with a treasure in his hand and a smile on his face.
Oh, I could tell you stories of that weekend, but I will spare you the details. I am finishing this blog post several years after I started it and my Mom and Dad are both gone now. When I look about my home, I see items that came from their home. Those items left a home and entered into a house that has become my home. A house is a structure, a protection from the outdoor. It can be destroyed in so many ways. But a home is a feeling, it is in your heart, it will travel where ever you go. A home is a place of safety and happiness and he does not even need a structure.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Saturday, October 18, 2008
A flash of New Orleans
It was a quick trip, in fact I think we spent more time in transient then we did actually in New Orleans. But we did it. Tyler and I went to New Orleans, Louisiana to visit Loyola University and find out about the Music Business or Music Industry Major.
One thing I learned, though about New Orleans, is that the people who live there love it. You know, being in Kansas, I hear about the hurricanes and the city that was built below sea level and the levees that weren't built right and I can get caught up on everyone saying "don't rebuild it" and "this is God's message." But let me tell you, it is a home for thousands of people, it is a place deep in tradition. I think being in Kansas or far away from places we see things globally and individually. Visiting New Orleans, seeing the people; talking to the cab driver who loves to fish, hunt aligators, and be around his cajun friends; talking to the music industry head of the department who loves the musical tradition of New Orleans and believes in it; seeing the efforts of Tyler's friends working for non-profit organizations to rebuild parts of the city; all of this gives me a greater appreciation for New Orleans. It let's me see it is a city of people, of individuals who call that city home. We need to not look so globally at things, but to actually look deep, see the people and lives involved, break out of our boxes.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Yes, I do deserve it
With all this election stuff going on, a 21 year old young man asked me "do you deserve all that you have because you could afford to go to college? Doesn't everyone deserve the same?" At the time which was about 12:30 am, I mumbled something incoherent I'm sure and then went to bed. However, I have had time to think about the question and now I have an answer.
Let me take you back in my heritage and let you see why I DO DESERVE ALL THAT I HAVE. I am a product of immigrant families. Around the turn of the century my grandparents, all 4 of them, left their home country, Lebanon and their families and traveled days, weeks and possibly a month to get to America, a land of hope, freedom and happiness, a land that was to make their dreams come true.
My ancestors arrived in New York City on Ellis Island. They registered as immigrants and followed the regulations at that time to be able to live legally in America and to soon become citizens. They had nothing when they landed except what they could carry on their backs. They were not rich, it was a hardship for their families to afford passage to get them to America, however it was important to them to become Americans.
These immigrants, who I claim as relatives, were merchants. They carried dry goods, such as buttons, threads, etc anything they could carry and sold it along the way. You might ask what way. Well, they had heard of the boom towns near the oilfields in the midwest area, halfway across the continent. This was their goal; to live in the midwest among the oil fields, set up a store and make a lot of money, raise a family and live the American Dream. So they walked, and walked, and occasionally received rides from the kind people they came upon. They slept under the stars and moon, and occasionally were asked to stay in homes of the kind people along the way. They were happy, they were industrious. They expected to work for the what they received. They were not looking for government handouts. They were looking for the American Dream and they knew they had to work for it.
Eventually they made it to the midwest, they set up stores in boomtowns, moving from town to town has each boomtown faded as the oil went dry. They fell in love and married and raised children, many children. They raised these children to work hard, to take care of their family and to be proud to be Americans. They sons served in the armed forces and went overseas to support and serve our country. My grandmother learned how to write English, just so that she could write to her sons in the service. Because, even though they kept their native tongue, they spoke English to their children and always when English speaking people were present.
You might say, well everything fell into place for them, it was easy for them. No, it wasn't easy, but it was worth it. They were hard working, but they experienced hardships along the way. But they knew that if they did not get the job done, then it would not get done. They were persistent, diligent, determined and eventually successful.
So, back to the original question, Do I deserve all that I have? Based on my ancestors, the answer is yes. They worked hard so that I could have the opportunities that I have.
BUT, that was then. That is the past. I acknowledge it and appreciate it, but I do not believe that I can sit back and do nothing, because my ancestors worked hard for me. I do not feel entitled to anything because the people of my past worked for it.
I am entitled to the same things that any legal American is entitled to: the opportunity to work in a free country in a field of my choice, the opportunity to a free education through elementary and high school; the opportunity to raise my children in the manner I choose; the opportunity to go to college and receive a higher degree; the opportunity to have good health care.
If you noticed I used the word opportunity in my entitlements. The definition of opportunity from dictionary.com is the following:
1.an appropriate or favorable time or occasion: Their meeting afforded an opportunity to exchange views.
2.a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal.
3.a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success.
The definition of opportunity says favorable conditions or a good position or a chance for success. It implies that the individual given an opportunity needs to do something to make it happen, the conditions are right, but you still have to work for it.
Many people in America today, are relying on the hardships of their ancestors who came before them. They keep reminding others of the persecution or the wrongdoings that their ancestors had to endure. What they are not focusing on, is that their ancestors overcame these hard times by working and fighting for their rights. They did not sit back and expect things to happen to them. They saw opportunity and used it. . They became Americans. They worked hard.
At the present time in America, all legal citizens have the same opportunities. The difference is what each individual does with the opportunities in front of them. The saying "America is the land of the free", does not mean everything is free. It means we are free to pursue our own goals. That we are free to work in a field we choose. We are free to move freely throughout the country. We are free to provide for our families. We are free to take the opportunities that come our way and make things happen. We are also free to refuse the opportunites. We are free to do nothing to better ourselves. We are free to make our own choices. But we are also free to accept the consequences along the way. Being an American does not come with guarantees, unless you pay for them in same way. Extended warranties are not free. To get the extended warranty in America, you have to go get it, you have to work for it, you have show some effort.
We all have the opportunities. It's what we do with these opportunities that matter.
Yes, I deserve what I have and you deserve what you have.
Let me take you back in my heritage and let you see why I DO DESERVE ALL THAT I HAVE. I am a product of immigrant families. Around the turn of the century my grandparents, all 4 of them, left their home country, Lebanon and their families and traveled days, weeks and possibly a month to get to America, a land of hope, freedom and happiness, a land that was to make their dreams come true.
My ancestors arrived in New York City on Ellis Island. They registered as immigrants and followed the regulations at that time to be able to live legally in America and to soon become citizens. They had nothing when they landed except what they could carry on their backs. They were not rich, it was a hardship for their families to afford passage to get them to America, however it was important to them to become Americans.
These immigrants, who I claim as relatives, were merchants. They carried dry goods, such as buttons, threads, etc anything they could carry and sold it along the way. You might ask what way. Well, they had heard of the boom towns near the oilfields in the midwest area, halfway across the continent. This was their goal; to live in the midwest among the oil fields, set up a store and make a lot of money, raise a family and live the American Dream. So they walked, and walked, and occasionally received rides from the kind people they came upon. They slept under the stars and moon, and occasionally were asked to stay in homes of the kind people along the way. They were happy, they were industrious. They expected to work for the what they received. They were not looking for government handouts. They were looking for the American Dream and they knew they had to work for it.
Eventually they made it to the midwest, they set up stores in boomtowns, moving from town to town has each boomtown faded as the oil went dry. They fell in love and married and raised children, many children. They raised these children to work hard, to take care of their family and to be proud to be Americans. They sons served in the armed forces and went overseas to support and serve our country. My grandmother learned how to write English, just so that she could write to her sons in the service. Because, even though they kept their native tongue, they spoke English to their children and always when English speaking people were present.
You might say, well everything fell into place for them, it was easy for them. No, it wasn't easy, but it was worth it. They were hard working, but they experienced hardships along the way. But they knew that if they did not get the job done, then it would not get done. They were persistent, diligent, determined and eventually successful.
So, back to the original question, Do I deserve all that I have? Based on my ancestors, the answer is yes. They worked hard so that I could have the opportunities that I have.
BUT, that was then. That is the past. I acknowledge it and appreciate it, but I do not believe that I can sit back and do nothing, because my ancestors worked hard for me. I do not feel entitled to anything because the people of my past worked for it.
I am entitled to the same things that any legal American is entitled to: the opportunity to work in a free country in a field of my choice, the opportunity to a free education through elementary and high school; the opportunity to raise my children in the manner I choose; the opportunity to go to college and receive a higher degree; the opportunity to have good health care.
If you noticed I used the word opportunity in my entitlements. The definition of opportunity from dictionary.com is the following:
1.an appropriate or favorable time or occasion: Their meeting afforded an opportunity to exchange views.
2.a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal.
3.a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success.
The definition of opportunity says favorable conditions or a good position or a chance for success. It implies that the individual given an opportunity needs to do something to make it happen, the conditions are right, but you still have to work for it.
Many people in America today, are relying on the hardships of their ancestors who came before them. They keep reminding others of the persecution or the wrongdoings that their ancestors had to endure. What they are not focusing on, is that their ancestors overcame these hard times by working and fighting for their rights. They did not sit back and expect things to happen to them. They saw opportunity and used it. . They became Americans. They worked hard.
At the present time in America, all legal citizens have the same opportunities. The difference is what each individual does with the opportunities in front of them. The saying "America is the land of the free", does not mean everything is free. It means we are free to pursue our own goals. That we are free to work in a field we choose. We are free to move freely throughout the country. We are free to provide for our families. We are free to take the opportunities that come our way and make things happen. We are also free to refuse the opportunites. We are free to do nothing to better ourselves. We are free to make our own choices. But we are also free to accept the consequences along the way. Being an American does not come with guarantees, unless you pay for them in same way. Extended warranties are not free. To get the extended warranty in America, you have to go get it, you have to work for it, you have show some effort.
We all have the opportunities. It's what we do with these opportunities that matter.
Yes, I deserve what I have and you deserve what you have.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
The Golf Course started moving
It was hot out there to everyone I think. I learned my lesson about the heat, humidity, playing golf and not drinking enough water and they don't seem to mix sometimes. Here's what happen....
Tuesdays are my golf league days. I play golf with about 20 other women ranging in ages from 30 to 85 years of age. It is a wonderful blend of interesting, caring and fun women, who I owe a lot to after last Tuesday.
This specific day was the first really hot day of the season. The temperature was in the 90's, the humidity was extremely high and believe or not there was not a breeze at all and I live in Kansas where there is always a breeze or wind. I was playing golf with 3 other ladies and we were walking, pushing our golf carts. Okay now you have the setting. I made it through the 4th hole feeling good, drinking a little water. And then.....
The golf course started moving, or at least it felt like it. I starting getting very dizzy. I teed off on the 5th hole and my ball went way left, because I lost my balance. I could not walk straight, having difficulty placing one foot in front of the other. I hit the ball 3 more times and got to the green and decided I needed to sit down in the shade. In fact I needed to lay down in the shade and from that point on for about 3 hours I was unable to lift my head without feeling nausaeous and very dizzy.
It was decided to call EMS. Okay, now the embarrassment began to set it and I tried to act tough, you know, saying "okay call them, but I am not going to the hospital". Ha Ha. The ambulance came on the course, oh my, if I hadn't felt so bad I would have been have been mortified. But actually I was glad to see them. To make a long story shorter, they took me into the hospital. I was diagnosed with Heat exhaustion or dehydration. They gave me two bags of wonderful juice and I began to feel better, at least I could sit up and walk some. I felt a little puny the next day, but today 2 days later, I'm back to normal or at least back to myself.
Throughout the whole episode, I kept my sense of humor. I had just had my first pedicure with french tipped toes about 5 days before. I made sure the EMS guys and the nurse at the hospital saw my toes. They noticed them and told me how pretty they were. I don't think they really cared, but I was the patient and they had to make me feel good.
The precious ladies that I play golf with tried to take care of me. They gave me water to drink and then proceeded to pour water all over me to cool me off. By the time I got to the hospital I was completely drenched and looked a horrible. The registration lady at the hospital took a picture of me for the medical records and I think she could sell it to hollywood for a horror movie.
So, remember, drink water and be thankful for the good people around you.
Tuesdays are my golf league days. I play golf with about 20 other women ranging in ages from 30 to 85 years of age. It is a wonderful blend of interesting, caring and fun women, who I owe a lot to after last Tuesday.
This specific day was the first really hot day of the season. The temperature was in the 90's, the humidity was extremely high and believe or not there was not a breeze at all and I live in Kansas where there is always a breeze or wind. I was playing golf with 3 other ladies and we were walking, pushing our golf carts. Okay now you have the setting. I made it through the 4th hole feeling good, drinking a little water. And then.....
The golf course started moving, or at least it felt like it. I starting getting very dizzy. I teed off on the 5th hole and my ball went way left, because I lost my balance. I could not walk straight, having difficulty placing one foot in front of the other. I hit the ball 3 more times and got to the green and decided I needed to sit down in the shade. In fact I needed to lay down in the shade and from that point on for about 3 hours I was unable to lift my head without feeling nausaeous and very dizzy.
It was decided to call EMS. Okay, now the embarrassment began to set it and I tried to act tough, you know, saying "okay call them, but I am not going to the hospital". Ha Ha. The ambulance came on the course, oh my, if I hadn't felt so bad I would have been have been mortified. But actually I was glad to see them. To make a long story shorter, they took me into the hospital. I was diagnosed with Heat exhaustion or dehydration. They gave me two bags of wonderful juice and I began to feel better, at least I could sit up and walk some. I felt a little puny the next day, but today 2 days later, I'm back to normal or at least back to myself.
Throughout the whole episode, I kept my sense of humor. I had just had my first pedicure with french tipped toes about 5 days before. I made sure the EMS guys and the nurse at the hospital saw my toes. They noticed them and told me how pretty they were. I don't think they really cared, but I was the patient and they had to make me feel good.
The precious ladies that I play golf with tried to take care of me. They gave me water to drink and then proceeded to pour water all over me to cool me off. By the time I got to the hospital I was completely drenched and looked a horrible. The registration lady at the hospital took a picture of me for the medical records and I think she could sell it to hollywood for a horror movie.
So, remember, drink water and be thankful for the good people around you.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
A New Chapter
Tomorrow I start a new chapter in my life. Have you ever thought of your life in chapters? There is a chapter about your infancy, which someone else would have to narrate. Then there are chapters about childhood, youth, young adult, college, first job and on and on. Some chapters are very short and then a few of the chapters may be very long. The last chapter of my life, I felt was a bit too long.
Tomorrow morning at 8:00 am, I start a new job. I will still be a physical therapist but I will be doing something totally different and challenging. I
As I start this new chapter, I have the usual doubts; am I sure I want to do this. and I will miss the other clinic. But actually, I feel better about this move than any other I have made. I think it is because I finally know who I am and I like me.
In my earlier chapters, my self confidence was lacking and I worried that I would not be able to live up to expectations. Now at my ripe age of 51, I realize that I am not perfect, I will make mistakes, but that's okay, because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. However, the main concept that has come with my experience, is that I take those mistakes, admit them and learn from them.
I work in a field with young coworkers. Physical Therapy is a booming field and young people think it is exciting, which it is. My point in talking about my young coworkers is that they know more than me .... about some things. They can show me new techniques and they can still spout off every muscle origin and insertion and nerve innervation from memory. Well this experienced individual has learned that you can look these details up if you need to know them, but that the most important thing to the patient is function and action. Okay, I have gotten a bit technical , but what I am trying to say is that at 51 years of age I am in the learning process and some of my teachers are 20 years younger.
At this time, I think that a piece of advice to everyone would be appropriate. Here it is: Never be too full of yourself that you don't ask for help when you need it. Nobody, knows everything. It may be humbling to ask for help, but the benefit you will receive is worth the first uncomfortable moment. You will learn something and you will make the other person respect you more and feel good about themself.
When people ask why I made the switch in jobs, I tell them it is my midlife crisis and I couldn't afford a red convertible sports car. We all get restless at times in our life. We just need to either ride that time out or do something. I have been restless and becoming bored in my job for about 2 years. I tried to ride it, but the feeling was still there. I am making a move. Is it the right move? Will I be happy or unhappy? Will I wish I had stayed at the old clinic?
Who knows the answer to these questions. I am taking a risk and jumping right in. Wish me luck. When the day comes for you to take a risk and do something that is uncomfortable but feels right I wish you the best.
Recognize a Challenge, Stand up to that Challenge, Conquer the Challenge....
and if you need help... ask!!! And May God be always at your side as you go.
Tomorrow morning at 8:00 am, I start a new job. I will still be a physical therapist but I will be doing something totally different and challenging. I
As I start this new chapter, I have the usual doubts; am I sure I want to do this. and I will miss the other clinic. But actually, I feel better about this move than any other I have made. I think it is because I finally know who I am and I like me.
In my earlier chapters, my self confidence was lacking and I worried that I would not be able to live up to expectations. Now at my ripe age of 51, I realize that I am not perfect, I will make mistakes, but that's okay, because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. However, the main concept that has come with my experience, is that I take those mistakes, admit them and learn from them.
I work in a field with young coworkers. Physical Therapy is a booming field and young people think it is exciting, which it is. My point in talking about my young coworkers is that they know more than me .... about some things. They can show me new techniques and they can still spout off every muscle origin and insertion and nerve innervation from memory. Well this experienced individual has learned that you can look these details up if you need to know them, but that the most important thing to the patient is function and action. Okay, I have gotten a bit technical , but what I am trying to say is that at 51 years of age I am in the learning process and some of my teachers are 20 years younger.
At this time, I think that a piece of advice to everyone would be appropriate. Here it is: Never be too full of yourself that you don't ask for help when you need it. Nobody, knows everything. It may be humbling to ask for help, but the benefit you will receive is worth the first uncomfortable moment. You will learn something and you will make the other person respect you more and feel good about themself.
When people ask why I made the switch in jobs, I tell them it is my midlife crisis and I couldn't afford a red convertible sports car. We all get restless at times in our life. We just need to either ride that time out or do something. I have been restless and becoming bored in my job for about 2 years. I tried to ride it, but the feeling was still there. I am making a move. Is it the right move? Will I be happy or unhappy? Will I wish I had stayed at the old clinic?
Who knows the answer to these questions. I am taking a risk and jumping right in. Wish me luck. When the day comes for you to take a risk and do something that is uncomfortable but feels right I wish you the best.
Recognize a Challenge, Stand up to that Challenge, Conquer the Challenge....
and if you need help... ask!!! And May God be always at your side as you go.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Dysfunctional Family?
Well, yesterday I was told I am a part of a dysfunctional family, wow, I didn't even know we were dysfunctional. Do I need to act different or what? What makes a dysfunctional family? Let's look a little bit at history. Was Andy Griffith's family dysfunctional because it was just Andy, Aunt Bee and Opie and no Mom? Was the Cleaver family on Leave it to Beaver functional because June stayed home all day wearing pearls and high heels and cleaned house all day? Was the Cosby household on the Bill Cosby show functional because there was a mother and father, 5 children and grandparents? But then the daughter moved out and then moved back in so did they become dysfunctional?
Have you ever really thought about that term and how easily it is used in conversations describing family units or sometimes just describing people. When you look up the definition of dysfunctional this is what you will find:
"Abnormal or impaired functioning, especially of a bodily system or social group" or "a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system".
To me this states that a dysfunctional family is one that has some abnormal behavior with in the unit of the family that effects the family as a whole. Now think about this. First off, what is normal behavior. Can you in 3 simple sentences describe normal behavior in a family that could be used in all family situations?
In every family, with more than one individual, there will probably be at one time a dysfunctional moment. In order to be a functional family, you do not have to model the Cleaver or Cosby family, I think the Andy Griffith family was quite functional. I have seen many family situations that are not the perfect set up, but yet they are functioning quite well.
Dysfunctional family could describe every family at one time or another. However, this to me is a strong term implying a family that never has "normal" times or good times. Yes, some families are like that I'm sure, but not the majority. So enjoy your family, appreciate the fact even though you are related by blood or have lived together for a long time there will be differences in how you react to situations and what you believe. Celebrate these differences because they
make the whole family unit better and stronger.
Do I have a dysfunctional family? My answer is no. Do I live in a family with interesting characters? The answer is yes. Do I appreciate all of their differences? Unfortunately the answer is not always yes. But I'm working on it.
Have you ever really thought about that term and how easily it is used in conversations describing family units or sometimes just describing people. When you look up the definition of dysfunctional this is what you will find:
"Abnormal or impaired functioning, especially of a bodily system or social group" or "a consequence of a social practice or behavior pattern that undermines the stability of a social system".
To me this states that a dysfunctional family is one that has some abnormal behavior with in the unit of the family that effects the family as a whole. Now think about this. First off, what is normal behavior. Can you in 3 simple sentences describe normal behavior in a family that could be used in all family situations?
In every family, with more than one individual, there will probably be at one time a dysfunctional moment. In order to be a functional family, you do not have to model the Cleaver or Cosby family, I think the Andy Griffith family was quite functional. I have seen many family situations that are not the perfect set up, but yet they are functioning quite well.
Dysfunctional family could describe every family at one time or another. However, this to me is a strong term implying a family that never has "normal" times or good times. Yes, some families are like that I'm sure, but not the majority. So enjoy your family, appreciate the fact even though you are related by blood or have lived together for a long time there will be differences in how you react to situations and what you believe. Celebrate these differences because they
make the whole family unit better and stronger.
Do I have a dysfunctional family? My answer is no. Do I live in a family with interesting characters? The answer is yes. Do I appreciate all of their differences? Unfortunately the answer is not always yes. But I'm working on it.
Young People are like Clay
Today I was talking to an individual who has a 17 year old son. This young man is having some psychological problems and is having a difficult time being comfortable in this world at this time. While I was talking to her, I realized I became quite passionate about wanting to help this young man.
I love the high school and college age individual. I stated this to the woman I was talking to and she replied, "that's unusual, most people don't like them". In my heart and mind, I thought this was sad.
Individuals from about 12 to around 25 years of age are like a handful of clay. They are being molded and remolded before they are actually fired in a kiln and made an adult. Yes, even after being fired sometimes prematurely, changes are made because of brokage. The broken parts can be repaired, but there will always be that line where the repair was made that might not be seen on the outside, but left a lasting impression on the inside. If this glob of clay can be formed while soft and pliable in a good way, then there is less chance of breakage.
This makes me think of a friend of mine who makes small clay creations, shaped like individuals. In her creations, she adds expressions and items on the clay people that depicts their personality, their desires, their hobbies and their loves. When she makes these, she has told me that at times she has to start over and remold them completely because it just didn't turn out right the first time. She works and works molding the clay with her hands, working it to make it perfect, making changes here and there as she goes, so that the finished product is the right image of that specific person. Everyone of her creations are unique.
Now think about this, in relation to a young person. They are like a glob of clay. However, with these young moldable individuals there is more than one set of hands working on them. Even though the parent or guardian would like to believe that they are the major influence in this individual's life, it may not be true. They have input into their lives from their peer group, from teachers, from coworkers at that after school job, from ministers or priests, from siblings, from just about anyone they come into contact with. Every time they interact with another, there is an impression made in the clay. Some of these dents or impressions are good and some are not. It is the responsibility of the individual to decide which dents to keep and which ones to smooth out and get rid of. A parent or guardian or someone who cares about this person can help with this molding process.
This is what I enjoy, making lasting impressions on these young people. They have so much potential. I like to encourage the individuals to explore and find out what really makes them happy, not temporary happiness but true happiness. I have talked to alot of young people, my children included and I like to find out what their desires are. My oldest son, when he was in college came to a crossroads in his life when he needed to change his major and direction in life. I told him to go the counselor, tell that counselor what he wants to do the rest of his life, tell that person what activity or job description would make him happy and not seem like a job.
The counselor was wonderful and spent several hours with him sorting through majors that would get him where it wanted to go. He changed his major and has been happy with that decision since. This process made him think about himself and who he truly is. He searched his heart for happiness and found it, with no restrictions.
At times, I think that some of these young people are made to believe that their unique ways of living and seeing the world are wrong if they waver from the "norm". With this belief, they begin to alienate themselves from others, thinking that they don't fit in. They should be accepted for who they are and help them learn how their unique ways can enhance their life and effect others in a positive way.
The young people from 12 to 25 years of age need to be listened to and respected for who they are and the potential they have. In a perfect world, every individual will have at least one person who will affect their lives in a positive way. You could be that person for just one individual or even more. Look for the potential in everyone you meet, but especially in the young person, who is still soft and pliable. Celebrate their diversity and help mold them into a creation that can be productive and happy in the world they live.
I love the high school and college age individual. I stated this to the woman I was talking to and she replied, "that's unusual, most people don't like them". In my heart and mind, I thought this was sad.
Individuals from about 12 to around 25 years of age are like a handful of clay. They are being molded and remolded before they are actually fired in a kiln and made an adult. Yes, even after being fired sometimes prematurely, changes are made because of brokage. The broken parts can be repaired, but there will always be that line where the repair was made that might not be seen on the outside, but left a lasting impression on the inside. If this glob of clay can be formed while soft and pliable in a good way, then there is less chance of breakage.
This makes me think of a friend of mine who makes small clay creations, shaped like individuals. In her creations, she adds expressions and items on the clay people that depicts their personality, their desires, their hobbies and their loves. When she makes these, she has told me that at times she has to start over and remold them completely because it just didn't turn out right the first time. She works and works molding the clay with her hands, working it to make it perfect, making changes here and there as she goes, so that the finished product is the right image of that specific person. Everyone of her creations are unique.
Now think about this, in relation to a young person. They are like a glob of clay. However, with these young moldable individuals there is more than one set of hands working on them. Even though the parent or guardian would like to believe that they are the major influence in this individual's life, it may not be true. They have input into their lives from their peer group, from teachers, from coworkers at that after school job, from ministers or priests, from siblings, from just about anyone they come into contact with. Every time they interact with another, there is an impression made in the clay. Some of these dents or impressions are good and some are not. It is the responsibility of the individual to decide which dents to keep and which ones to smooth out and get rid of. A parent or guardian or someone who cares about this person can help with this molding process.
This is what I enjoy, making lasting impressions on these young people. They have so much potential. I like to encourage the individuals to explore and find out what really makes them happy, not temporary happiness but true happiness. I have talked to alot of young people, my children included and I like to find out what their desires are. My oldest son, when he was in college came to a crossroads in his life when he needed to change his major and direction in life. I told him to go the counselor, tell that counselor what he wants to do the rest of his life, tell that person what activity or job description would make him happy and not seem like a job.
The counselor was wonderful and spent several hours with him sorting through majors that would get him where it wanted to go. He changed his major and has been happy with that decision since. This process made him think about himself and who he truly is. He searched his heart for happiness and found it, with no restrictions.
At times, I think that some of these young people are made to believe that their unique ways of living and seeing the world are wrong if they waver from the "norm". With this belief, they begin to alienate themselves from others, thinking that they don't fit in. They should be accepted for who they are and help them learn how their unique ways can enhance their life and effect others in a positive way.
The young people from 12 to 25 years of age need to be listened to and respected for who they are and the potential they have. In a perfect world, every individual will have at least one person who will affect their lives in a positive way. You could be that person for just one individual or even more. Look for the potential in everyone you meet, but especially in the young person, who is still soft and pliable. Celebrate their diversity and help mold them into a creation that can be productive and happy in the world they live.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Expectancy or expectation
I just recently read a book titled "The Shack" by William P. Young. The book was about another man's experience with God. It is very interesting, but maybe a little hard to grasp all that he is trying to say to us. However, one part of the book really hit home to me, it made sense to me.
The part of the book was about friendship and the relationship you have with another person. He used to words similar yet different, expectancy and expectation. I will quote his words and then put my spin on it.
"If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart,there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges form our being togehther is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation'-spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. Your are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do or the responsibilities of a good friend."
I love this, I love that someone else wrote it down. It has always bothered me that people, friends, but mostly family put expectations on your relationship with them. They expect you to do this or that, they place rules on relationships. In my opinion this is wrong. We should enjoy the times we have together and appreciate them. Everyone has their own lives and activities and are unable to make every event. People, relatives and friends should be happy for the times they are together and don't fret about the times they can't be together. I notice this more with family. I think that over the years too many rules or expectations are put into the family relationships and people get upset when those expectations are not met. In my opinion, it's the family unit that should be more accepting and less expecting. With the rules and expectations, it is difficult to enjoy the relationship and the expectancy of fun and laughter when together.
Just think about this, are you guilty of expectations? Don't you want to live in a life of expectancy or of hope, and not be limited by rules of relationships.
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